


Kim Possible Oneshots

by Trahern



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:19:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5059090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trahern/pseuds/Trahern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A gradually growing collection of oneshots based on episodes and fanfictions (my own included) of Kim Possible, occasionally crossed over with other shows. Predominantly kigo, when applicable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things Will Change

**Author's Note:**

> A prequel to the first kigo fanfic I started writing.

Shego stepped into the pub wearing her green leather jacket over her catsuit. It's not that she was hiding who she was, or that it was cold outside; she just needed something to suggest she wasn't on the clock. Her gaze went from person to person, ignoring the stares, until she found who she was looking for, sitting at the bar.

"Same again," he told the barman as she silently came up behind him and bored into the back of his head with a stare. He watched as the alcoholic portion of his drink was poured, then sighed. "I'm retired," he grumbled.

Shego smirked. His back may have been facing the door, but his instincts were still sharp. "Doesn't mean you can't buy a girl a drink," she retorted.

His head turned slightly, not quite enough to see her from the corner of his eye. "As I recall," he began grudgingly, "I owe you _two_ shots. You gonna stand still for the first?"

"As long as you buy the second."

"And a glass of the best rum you've got," he told the barman as his refill was delivered, before smoothly twisting off his barstool and punching Shego in the mouth.

The villainess had to take two steps back to keep from toppling from the hit. The pub quieted a moment. Her attacker returned to his previous position. After licking the front of her teeth, she stepped forward and took the barstool beside him.

"Hard to believe you've retired if you're still that angry," she opined, waving off the barman's dubious look as he placed the rum before her.

"Oh, I'm still angry. I've just gotten apathetic and bitter in my old age."

"You're not that old." Shego meant it, but looking more carefully at his profile now, she could see time was beginning to take its toll. His hair was a tough lighter with a more pronounced widow's peak, the soul patch of his beard completely white; there were bags under his eyes and his forehead bore the beginnings of a permanent crease.

"I'm not much older than you," he countered after a swig. "Not long before you start wrinkling, especially with all the time you like to spend in the sun."

The green girl bit back a vehement reply, taking a long sip of her rum instead, waiting for him to continue.

"You know most of the things I've done. Has any of it changed the world? Made it a better - or worse - place?"

Shego shrugged. "I know people would argue either way."

"And who would they be?" he grumbled. "Only the ones my actions have affected personally. Even altruim is an exercise in selfishness. Wealthy or poor, people contribute or champion causes they have a personal connection to; assuming they don't do it just to feel better about themselves. Nothing I've done has made a difference to all of humanity. You've been on both sides of the fence yourself, and what have you accomplished?"

"Hey, I just work for a mad scientist bent on world domination. Changing the world has never been my purpose in life. You tried, in more ways than one. Even _you_ can't see generations ahead. Your actions may eventually inspire someone, something..."

"If so, I won't be there to see it."

"So you'd rather quit then step up."

"Point," he conceded, raising his glass to her. She followed suit, and they drank together. "I've simply come to the conclusion that I'm better off staying out of history's way," he added afterwards. "Speaking of, aren't you wanted in this country?"

"Meh. They've probably given up on me by now."

"You stole some crown jewels."

"Just the imperial state crown. They go through so many... and gold isn't my colour, anyway."

Her drinking buddy shook his head with a sigh. "Why are you here, Shego?"

Shego took a big gulp of her rum before answering. "Well... there's this girl..."

For the first time in the conversation, he looked straight at her, causing her to falter for a moment.

"Uh... you ever hear of Kim Possible?"

His turn to shrug. "Jailbait redhead playing hero. Gods know what her parents are thinking. You've crossed paths, I take it."

"Yeah, and... she's proving surprisingly capable."

"Translation: she kicks your ass on a regular basis."

Again, Shego nearly took the bait. "That... depends on your definition," she angrily admitted through clenched teeth, causing him to smirk.

"So, are _you_ stepping up?" he asked.

"I have been. I haven't gone toe to toe with just one person in a long time. She's had training in several styles of kung fu, and she's a damn cheerleader on top. The way she fights is damn peculiar, but effective. The thing is, she's improving too, and... when it comes down to it, I've..." she broke off with a sigh and finished her rum.

"You've started enjoying, and looking forward to, the fights," he finished for her. "It's harder to get angry with someone you respect, and if you don't get angry, you have difficulty with the glow."

"Yeah," Shego admitted. A part of her was still creeped out when he did that, even though he knew her well enough to make such conclusions without his... talent.

"You don't light up at the start of the fight anymore. And when you do, it's frustration, not anger, that gets it going. And sometimes, you just can't keep it up."

"Hey! No penis metaphors, thank you."

He ignored the interruption, his eyes unfocused as he continued. "You're surprised you don't mind avoiding causing her serious injury. Truth is, you haven't tried to kill her in a while. If anyone takes her out of the game, it should be you... but when it comes down to it, you'd miss her." A frown. "But it's only a matter of time. One of you will slip, eventually. She'll remind you too much of what you could have been, or she'll get a taste of what she could be... and then things will start to change..." he blinked, refocused, then looked Shego in the eye. "She sounds like an extraordinary girl."

Shego tried not to blush at the inference, failed miserably, and ordered another rum.


	2. The Revised Golden Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different take on a scene from an episode.

"Your Nana is one bad grandmother-"

"Shut your mouth!"

"I'm just talkin' 'bout Nana!"

"It runs in the family," Kim pointed out, evading her grandmother's next flurry of attacks before using her grapple to deactivate the mind control signal.

Nana shook her head as her senses returned. "Oh... where... where are we? what am I doing here? Kimberly?"

"I'll explain it all later, Nana," Kim told her as she started escorting her to the door. "We're in the evil lair of Dr. Drakken."

"Evil lair? You haven't gone and gotten yourself in some kind of danger, have you dear?"

Shego leapt between them and the exit. "Oh, she's in danger alright," the villainess grinned, lighting up.

"You'll have to go through me, first," Nana declared, adopting a battle stance.

Shego only took one step forward before the rubber end of a walking cane was thrust in her face. "You'll have to go through all of us, missy!"

The green girl snatched the cane and reduced it to ashes with her glow, then took a step towards the guy who'd dared to interrupt... and paused. He was backing away in fear and it... no, _she_... was being pathetic. She stopped and extinguished the glow. "I'm not gonna knock a bunch of oldsters around. Let me tell you how this works: Drakken tries to take over the world, Kim shows up to stop him, she and I fight. It's what we do, okay?" She turned back to the pair of Possibles. "Kimmie, back me up."

"Uh..." Kim was surprised that Shego was looking to her for support. "Well... she's right. I don't want any of you getting hurt..."

"We can take care of ourselves, dear," one of the other retired folks insisted.

"Look," Shego interrupted, "If the elder Possible wants to join the fun, so be it. She's still got the moves - frankly, I hope I'm as sprightly when I'm your age - and I could use a proper warm-up before the main event," she paused to aim a feral grin at Kim. "What are the rest of you going to do? Throw your false teeth at me as if they were ninja stars? Why don't you just back up against the wall and enjoy the show."

"You too, Nana," Kim suddenly agreed.

"Kimberly Ann, if you think-"

"Nana... this is what I do. I've been fighting Shego for well over a year now. I appreciate the concern, but I _don't_ need you to protect me." The heroine turned back to Shego with a grin of her own. "Besides, if she's getting old enough to need a warm-up first, I can probably take her down quickly."

"Cute, cupcake. Let's see if you can back that up." Despite the insult, the green girl found herself smiling right back at the redhead as she lit up once again.

"PAAARTAY!"

"Ugh, what now!" Shego growled before a mob of young adults invaded.

"Oh, snap," Drakken whined as they were both swept away by the tide of spring breakers.


	3. Curious Cashier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a small twist that came to me while reading Failte's "Alone, Together," which is the only alternate dimension story I've ever read that actually works. Chapter ten, "Lies and Truths," specifically.

"Aren't you..." the cashier asked, looking at Shego curiously.

"I get that a lot. It's my face-cream, cow placenta and chlorophyll. It rubs right off." Shego proceeded to rub her at a spot on her hand, which of course did not change her color the slightest bit, "See?"

The cashier leaned forward and scrutinized the spot before saying, "No, no I don't see." He then inhaled deeply. "Nor do you smell of either produce or raw meat."

Shego blinked in surprise. The bit about "cow placenta" was usually enough to get people to wish they hadn't noticed.

"Paper or plastic?" the cashier asked.

"Uh, plastic's good," Shego said simply, handing over a credit card.

The cashier scrutinized that too, earning him a frown for the delay more than anything. "This _is_ your credit card, right?"

"Yes, it is," Shego growled. Apparently satisfied, the cashier plugged the item into the appropriate slot before handing her the device so she could enter her PIN number.

"I'll have to get a plaque done," the cashier decided as they waited for the transaction to go through. He raised a hand, thumb and fingers held wide apart as he indicated large letters from left to right, "Shego shopped here." Then he lowered the hand a smidge and shrunk the distance between thumb and fingers. "She paid, with her own money, and everything."

"Yeah, you do that," Shego muttered, silently vowing never to return. _I'm sticking to SmartyMart from now on._


	4. Mad Dogs, Aliens & Smoochies

"Booyah!" Ron and the twins declared from the screen as the Warmonga's spacecraft departed.

"Spankin'!" Kim declared, "But how did you guys know?"

"Lose something?"

Kim instinctually caught whatever Shego had just thrown at her. "The kimmunicator?" She looked back to the villainess. "Shego? You clued Ron into the puppet plan? Nice!"

"Don't get too chummy, there, cupcake," Shego warned the heroine, "I just want to get back to the spa. Midas has the, uh..." she chuckled seductively, "Golden touch. But next time, you're mine."

"Not if I make you mine, first."

Shego's departure came to an abrupt halt.

Kim gasped, planting her free hand over her mouth. _Did I just say that out loud?_

"What did you say?" Shego asked, incredulous.

"Nothing," the redhead mumbled from behind her hand.

Shego turned around and started stalking back in her direction, practically snarling, "What did you just say, Kimmie!"

Kim finally dropped her hand from her face. "Um... we'll see about that?" she nervously suggested.

"That's not what you said. What did you mean, make me yours?" Shego growled.

"Uh..."

"Because the way you said it..."

"That's _your_ fault!" Kim argued. "Talking about Midas all sexy, and then saying next time it's my turn..."

"That's not what I meant!"

"Uh, guys?" Ron's voice interrupted from the screen. "We're still here."

Shego promptly blasted the screen. Extinguishing the glow, she used the same hand to poke Kim in the chest. "I was talking about _fighting_ , cupcake. I'm not interested in you like that." She turned to walk away again.

"Why not?" Kim suddenly asked.

The green girl swivelled back around again. "Because you're an annoying, frustrating, snooty little goody two-shoes, that's why! Every single time I try to have a little fun, you ruin it! Whether I'm working for Drakken, having fun with Junior or just trying to relax all on my own, you show up and spoil everything! Everywhere I go, whichever way I turn, you're there! I can never escape you!"

Kim noticed that the both of them being girls apparently didn't factor into Shego's thinking. "Then why didn't you let Warmonga finish me off?"

"Professional pride."

"I heard what you said, Shego," Kim said softly. "For someone who's so frustrated with me, you sure seem awfully possessive."

"Yeah, well, you're _my_ archfoe," Shego muttered grumpily, crossing her arms.

"If it hadn't been for the countdown, I would have helped with Warmonga. We would have taken her, together."

"Probably," the villainess admitted.

"I enjoy it when we work together. We do it well."

"I enjoy smacking you around, more."

"And what if we don't fight?"

Kim was interrupted by the _beep beep bibeep_ of the kimmunicator. She thumbed the button, said simply, "Not now, Wade," and switched it off again. Looking back up at Shego, she saw the green girl's frown was now one of confusion rather than anger.

The teenager sighed. "Midas, Junior, whoever else, they're _fun_. But they'll never be equals, will they? There's only ever been one person who can stand up to you, hasn't there? One person that challenges you. Only one person you can call an equal. Who can be half of a whole."

"That's really what you think?" Shego asked.

"It's what I feel," Kim corrected, then smirked. "If I thought about it, I'd tell myself I'm crazy to think it could ever work." She stepped right up to the villainess. "No one makes me feel alive like you do. Maybe it's because you keep trying to kill me, but... I'm willing to explore other options if you are."

And with that, Kim leaned up against Shego and kissed her.

_Holy..._ was as far as Shego's mind got before she started kissing back.

When the kiss ended, it was only because of the mutual urge to do more than just kiss. It was only then that they realised they were now pressed together, their arms wrapped tight around each other.

"Wait," Shego said once she could think again, "What about the doofus?"

"Since we've started dating, he's lied to me, cheated his way onto the football team, been in my closet and stolen my stuff, kept me waiting for hours at that damn pizza place, made me choose from the kid's menu at Chez Couteaux _and_ paid for it with _coupons_."

"Woah. Doofus extreme."

"His inner Ronness has been going into overdrive a lot more since we started dating. Believe me, the only problem I have with going back to best friends is how he'll react when I tell him." Kim sighed. "What about you and Drakken?"

"Ick!"

"No," Kim giggled, "I mean, are you going to keep working for him?"

Shego shrugged. "Contract ended with the diablo toy thing. Why do you think I've been in no rush to break him out of jail? I was going to let him rot for a good long while to improve my bargaining position, but I think the she-thing saved some time." She looked down at the crestfallen heroine and smirked. "I like the fights, Kimmie. I wouldn't want to give them up, even under normal circumstances. We'll just... have this too, now." The smirk widened into a smile. "Is there any better way for us to keep smacking each other around?"

Kim couldn't help smiling back. "As long as it's done with affection."

The kissing resumed.


	5. Between Chapters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Given the format of Between Bouts, scenes like this don't really fit in the story itself. Occasionally, I got the urge to write them out, regardless.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Kimmie?"

"Why do you wear heels so much?"

Ann paused in her dishwashing to glance down. "I do a lot of standing during surgery. It feels good to wear something other than flats, the rest of the time." Putting the dish on the rack, she reached for the next one. "Why do you ask?"

"It's just... something I never really noticed until now."

Ann nearly dropped the dish she was washing, but managed to correct the slip without any physical tells. Her daughter was looking at her, in... _that_ way. As Shego had suggested during the conversation Ann had been eavesdropping on in the early hours of this morning.

_Of course,_ the elder redhead realised, _She challenged Kim to check me out, and she rarely backs down from a challenge. Well, if we're going to have this conversation..._ "I suppose it makes me feel sexy, too," she managed to get out without laughing, though the amusement in her voice was evident.

"F-for dad?" Kim managed to stammer.

"Well, for me... but also for him. Embracing your sexuality can be empowering, but your father does appreciate my preference for heels and skirts." She glanced back at her daughter between dishes, and understood why Shego made a habit of flummoxing the heroine. Her face _was_ rather adorable when she was embarrassed.

"Do you... um. Do you ever... purr?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," Ann lied, surprised Kim had dared to bring it up.

"Well... like... when you're with dad. _Romantically._ " The way the teenager twisted that last word out of her mouth suggested she couldn't believe she was bringing it up herself.

Realizing her daughter intended to follow through with this line of questioning, Ann let the plate sit at the bottom of the sink and turned to face her daughter. Kim was leaning against the counter, staring at the floor and blushing fiercely.

"What brought this on?" Ann finally chose to ask, hoping to give them both more time.

Kim fidgeted, drawing a toe back and forth across the floor. "I... I heard someone say something about... sexy voices. And how hot it must sound when you... when they purr."

"Thank you for the compliment," Ann said with more gratitude than she expected considering her current turmoil. _What would I ask if I didn't know who she was talking about?_ she wondered desperately. The answer popped into her head, and it seemed a little cruel to ask it, but... "Was it Ron?"

"What? No!" Kim exclaimed, staring at her mother in shock. Then her blush deepened as a thought occurred. "You don't think that he... that he..."

"Thinks about me in that way?" Ann finished for her with a slight smile. She was _definitely_ seeing why Shego enjoyed pushing her daughter's buttons in the bedroom. "He _is_ a teenage boy, Kimmie, and boys will be boys..."

"Oh my god, now I won't be able to look at him without wondering..." Kim trailed off, then asked, "Do you think he thinks that way about _me_?"

"You're a beautiful girl, Kimmie. Is there a reason why he wouldn't?"

"It's sick and wrong!"

"I wouldn't go _that_ far," Ann told her. "Wierd, perhaps?"

To her credit, Kim seemed to give it some serious thought. "Maybe... but we've been best friends for years. I love Ron, I just don't _love_ Ron, y'know?"

Ann shrugged. "People change, relationships change. He's a nice young man, and I wouldn't have anything against it if you two became romantically involved."

"Really?" That seemed to stump the teen redhead, before she shuddered and remembered how they'd gotten onto the topic in the first place. "But no, it wasn't him. It... it was a girl, actually. Do... women actually _purr_ , during... you know..."

"I have been known to purr when someone nibbles my neck," Ann admitted, running the fingertips of a hand down one side of her throat. Sure enough, her daughter was staring at the spot, her jaw slack at the revelation. "Do you want to hear it?" she suddenly asked.

"No!" Kim yelped, startled, then recovered. "No thanks, that's _so_ not necessary. I was just... curious."

"Mmm, suit yourself," Ann said as she turned back to the sink and the rest of the washing up.

Behind her, Kim was silent for several moments before mumbling something about homework and leaving the kitchen.

It took Ann a moment to realise that her daughter might have gone up to her bedroom to do something _other_ than homework.


	6. Other Crooked Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More from Between Bouts: an alternative scenario, followed by a different perspective of the chapter in question.

A double shift at the hospital was a mixed blessing. Ann was all for helping people, and timing was certainly important when it came to surgery, especially in her field. Ann humbly accepted that she was the best brain surgeon in Middleton, which meant her skills would be in high demand, but spending so much time in the O.R. was taxing, to say the least.

Coming home to an empty house after a double shift was also a mixed blessing. With the family visiting the Lazy C ranch owned by her brother-in-law Slim, not having to be a mother when so exhausted was certainly a boon. Still, a silent house was a lonely house. It would have been nice to at least have James around to help her... relax. _Perhaps we could send the kids off to Slim for a weekend and have the place to ourselves, sometime? How much trouble could the twins get up to on a moving train, at least with Kim watching them?_

Still, Ann made the most of it. She luxuriated in a nice hot bubble bath until the water threatened to cool, instead of just until her fingers pruned. The effort she usually expended in cooking for five was focused into cooking just for herself, resulting in a very satisfying meal, a just reward for the entire day's efforts instead of just the past hour's. After calling James' cellphone and being filled in on the day's adventures - Silly Hats, what would Drakken think of next? - she retired to the couch with a glass of wine and put her feet up.

She dozed off and on as the radio softly played, sipping wine and relaxing, waiting for her mind to wind down enough for a good night's sleep.

At some point, she reached for the wineglass only to discover it was empty. Pondering the option of visiting the kitchen for a refill in a weary yet buzzed state, it took her a moment to react when a female voice suggested, "Allow me."

More wine was being poured into the glass she was holding. Ann looked up with heavy-lidded eyes, which opened wide at the sight of Shego's smirking face. Luckily, the shock froze Ann in place and none of the wine was spilled. The glass full, the villainess ambled over to the other end of the couch and sat before taking a gentle swig from the wine bottle herself.

Shego watched Ann stare at her for a surprising length of time, then said, "How much do you know?" Obviously the lack of defensive or heroic statements from the elder redhead meant she knew there was more between Shego and Kim than professional rivalry.

"I know you visit my daughter after each of your confrontations..."

"Just the major ones."

"...And that your relationship with her has become more than merely adversarial," Ann admitted.

"That's one way of putting it," Shego laughed before another swig of the wine. "I dropped in a little early, didn't I? They're spending the whole weekend in Montana? Why aren't you with them?"

"Double shift at the hospital."

"That's why you've spent the whole night kicking back, huh?" Shego set the wine bottle aside and pulled off her gloves. "Been on your feet a long time, I suppose."

Ann watched her actions warily. "Why didn't you leave when you realised Kim wouldn't be here?"

"Curiosity, I guess." Shego slid closer, swivelling around so that Ann's feet were in her lap. Startled, Ann tried to move away, but the green girl's grip on her ankle was solid. "Hold still, I'm not gonna hurt ya." To the older woman's surprise, Shego's hands began to massage the foot in their grip. Despite the warning bells it set off in her conscious mind, her body began to relax immediately.

"Why are you doing this?" she managed to ask.

"Sticking to the curiosity defence for now," the villainess said with a smirk... or was it a leer? "Not wearing anything under that robe, are you?"

Ann automatically tugged at her robe with her free hand to minimize the amount of exposed flesh. "Is that why you're here? You came for Kim, then settled for the elder redhead?"

"No such thing as settling where you're concerned, queenie," Shego purred.

"Queenie?"

"If Kimmie's the princess, you're the queen."

"That's one of your nicknames for her, isn't it. Perhaps that should have been a clue to your intentions..."

"Originally they were just to get under her skin. Calling her princess in such a way that you could hear the words 'stuckup little' were obviously supposed to precede it... heh."

"Pumpkin is easy enough to understand. What about cupcake?"

"A poke at her tits. Not literally, of course." Shego took a moment to stare at Ann's chest. "I guess I'll be calling you muffin."

Ann blushed, and tried to hide it by taking a generous sip of her wine. To her surprise and Shego's credit, the villainess didn't call her on it.

"I suppose you wish your husband was here to do things like this, huh?" Shego asked as she switched to the other foot.

"Not to diminish your own efforts," Ann assured her, "but he does have larger hands."

"I guess it's true what they say about guys with big hands. I wondered how a geek like him landed a hottie like you."

"There's far more to it than that. We're soulmates."

"Really?" Shego obviously had trouble believing that.

"Don't you think you and Kim are soulmates?"

The question hit the younger girl with surprise. "I... I dunno. We're... equals. Opposites."

"I did some research on you when I learned what was going on. It doesn't mention it on Kim's website, but you used to be a hero."

"Huh. Glad Kimmie kept her word on that."

"What made you quit?"

Shego frowned. "Maybe now's not the best time to talk about it. I might break something."

"Is that a threat?"

The green girl couldn't help noticing Ann's eyebrow went up exactly like Kim's. "No. Not... intentionally." She thought about it, then sighed. "You'd have to meet my brothers to really understand. Let's just say I got sick of trying to hold together a team of idiots."

"You couldn't be a hero on your own?"

"i didn't _want_ to be," Shego growled. "I was so sick of trying to play by Hego's rules. I am _not_ a role model, or a shining example, or a paragon of fucking virtue..." Her tone quickly grew increasingly aggravated until she suddenly dropped Ann's foot. Taking a deep breath, she unclenched her fists.

Ann did not complain, only watched the girl with a look of sympathy. "Shit happens," she offered, "And sometimes it's bad enough to make you very angry for a very long time."

"Yeah... yeah, that's right. The short temper's something I've always had, but... I never learned to _hate_ until Team Go started getting to me. That's something I don't think Kimmie will ever get." Shego paused. "I guess she's lucky. She's lucky she's got you."

"What about _your_ parents?"

The villainess shook her head. "The comet that gave us our powers took our parents, and they were all we had." She resumed her efforts on Ann's second foot. "I resented my parents' authority because I didn't respect them, but... they were my parents, y'know?" Recalling an earlier conversation with Kim, she looked up into Ann's face. "I think Kimmie said your parents were dead..."

Ann looked away. "They're dead to me." She didn't accentuate the latter half of that statement, despite the distinction.

"Fair enough. Nothing can mess with your head quite like family, can it?"

"No."

Shego placed Ann's feet beside each other on her lap. "Ready for the big finish?" she asked. When Ann looked back to her with a curious expression, she held up her hands and ignited her glow. Then she took a hand in each foot, stroking instead of kneading, applying a warm pressure to her arches and inner soles.

The redhead gasped at the sensations it caused to shoot through her. Once the initial shock faded, Ann's body felt like it was starting to turn to jelly; she barely had time to set down her wine glass. Her eyes closed of their own accord. When Shego's hands moved to her ankles, her calves and knees practically fell asleep on her... but the manipulation was having the opposite effect, higher up.

"Shego... I'm a married woman."

"I know."

Ann could hear the smirk on the girl's lips. "A _happily_ married woman."

"I don't doubt it. But he's not here. You can tell him all about it when he gets back, if you like. Kimmie too." Shego's grin widened. " _Especially_ Kimmie."

"You really... you're really... interested in that? In... me and Kimmie?"

"Let me put it this way: if, for some reason, only one of us could go down on her; I'd skip my turn just so I could watch you take yours."

"Oh my goodness," Ann breathed, in part an exclamation to Shego's words, but also to what her hands were making her feel now they'd reached her knees.

"To hear your voice moan, muffled because your face is in Kimmie's crotch... it's one of my life goals."

"You're a filthy-minded pervert." Ann's tone of voice suggested a statement of fact rather than a complaint, which Shego took as encouragement.

"I'm evil. And when I'm not trying to kill your little girl, I'm fucking her. I'd fuck the living daylights out of her if she wasn't afraid of waking up the whole house... aw, that's what I shoulda done in Montana, tonight..."

"I'm probably glad you didn't."

"Oh, really..."

Ann grimaced. "I didn't mean it like that..." The motion of the cushions on which Ann was lying forced her eyes open, and she found Shego crouched above her. "What are you doing?"

"Taking advantage," the green girl said as she pressed her body against the older woman's, despite Ann's feeble attempts to prevent it. She had definitely become _too_ relaxed.

"Are you going to rape me?" Ann whispered.

"Even I have my limits. That said, I expect to be compensated for my time and skill." Shego paused to lean down and nip at an earlobe. "What happens after that is up to you."

As the villainess' lips found their way along her jawline to her throat, Ann struggled to ask, "What is it you want?"

"I want to make you purr," Shego told her before nipping at her neck. Ann responded unconsciously at the sensation, tilting her head back to let the girl attack the entire area with lips, teeth and tongue. Shego's body rubbed against hers as she worked, adding to the experience, until suddenly black lips were pressing against her own.

Ann could feel the fervent desire in that kiss, the tongue gaining entry to her mouth with a passionate urgency. Her robe had come loose during all the motion, the girl on top of her pressing against her naked form. Even as her body responded to Shego's efforts, she wondered if this was the attraction Kim felt in taking the 'bad girl' for a lover. Was it the risk that thrilled her, opening herself to an enemy with such intimacy, the loss of control that came with it?

Shego turned her attention back to Ann's neck, allowing the older woman to moan the words, "Oh god..." as she succumbed. It didn't take long to give the villainess what she wanted from there. Teeth bit harder and harder, provoking louder, longer purrs, until Shego started groaning and growling in response, swinging over to the other side of Ann's neck to repeat her efforts.

_Oh, that's going to leave a mark. I'll have to wear a polo sweater..._

With a satisfied sigh, Shego brought herself to eye level with the Possible matriarch. "I got what I wanted," she breathed, "But you know what I'd like. What would _you_ like, muffin? Do you want me to go, or stay and show you what I've been doing to your little girl?"

Ann stared up at the villainess. _She is so beautiful,_ she suddenly realised, perhaps due to the lack of a frown on her face. _If Kim were to fall for any girl, it wouldn't have been anyone else. But I can't do this, because I love her, and James... and I couldn't... I... shouldn't..._

"Stay," she whispered.

* * *

Joss was still awake and had seen the glow-flare arc into the sky from beyond the barns. Recognising it for what it was, she leapt at the chance to track down _the_ Shego. She'd never stand up to the villainess in a fight, so she'd have to be sneaky and smart to pay her back for what she'd done to Ron with Tornado.

She was still hastily struggling into her mission outfit when she spotted Kim jogging over to the barns. It was only then that she considered the possibility that Shego was trying to lead her cousin into a trap. With a newfound sense of urgency she finished dressing and took off after her, intending to play the backup/distraction role Ron had described. Where _was_ Ron, anyway? Hadn't he seen... even if he hadn't, wouldn't Kim take him along? Perhaps she was letting him sleep. He probably needed it after the day he'd had.

By the time she caught up, Joss could tell Kim was doing a figure eight around the barns, searching for Shego. She kept herself a couple of corners behind her cousin's progress. If Shego was focused on Kim, then maybe she would go unnoticed and save the day!

Now Kim was calling Shego's name. Why was she doing that? She must have known this was a trap. Maybe she was just trying to spring it. She could probably handle anything Shego had planned for her...

The snigger from above followed by a collision at ground level suggested the trap had been sprung. She could hear their voices, but not what they were saying. Joss crept closer, as silently as she could.

She was still around the last corner when she heard, "Catch me if you can, princess!" She peeked just in time to see Kim take off after Shego... wow. They were both really fast. She'd never be able to keep up. Maybe she could track them, but what if she caught up too late to be any help?

Of course! She'd just have to be backup the Wade way!

Joss dashed off in the opposite direction, back into the house and the satellite control room. Uncle James had altered a few settings, but dad had reset things before turning in; he liked to use the thermal imagers to record any nocturnal shenanigans in case he woke up the next morning to find something amiss. It was easy enough to locate two hot bodies dashing across the plain towards the river.

The young girl watched as the chase ended on the riverside and zoomed in on the spot. They were grappling, it looked like, rolling towards... no, they stopped before going into the water, phew... but what was that? Had Shego... had Shego been having a picnic? Or was she planning to sleep under the stars? Why lead Kim there? Where was the trap?

When the real fight began, it didn't take long for Joss' jaw to hang loose for a prolonged period of time. She'd learned what she could from kung fu and karate movies - the ones her father would let her watch, anyway - but this was something else entirely. Raw, that was the word. Movie fights were coreographed. This was instinct, action and reaction. The amount of training they both must have gone through to get so good... no wonder Kim was the only hero that could stop Shego! Joss resolved to keep a recording of this so she could pick apart the moves, later...

Oops. They ended up in the river after all.

Kim pounced on Shego, sending them both under the water. When they came back up...

What were they...

Where they...?

...They were!

Joss literally gulped as she realised what she was watching. Kim and Shego were... together? But they're both girls! And they're enemies! _Arch_ enemies! Shego's the bad guy that's actually dangerous! And they're _both girls_! What was Kim thinking?

The arguments going through Joss' head fell by the wayside when she realised they were taking their clothes off. Kim had managed it in under ten seconds, and now she was helping Shego with her catsuit... if ripping it off her body could be considered helping.

It was thermal and black-and-white, but there was still enough detail to make the preteen blush. The couple collapsed together on Shego's blankets, and... attacked each other in an entirely different way. Joss was barely aware of manipulating the controls to zoom in and maximize gain on the scene. What she was seeing... she knew _about_ pornography, but she doubted it was anything like this. This was live, and real, and intense, and _so_ sick and wrong.

And yet...

By the time Shego brought out the strap-on, Joss' entire body was sweating, and not just from watching. The urge to masturbate started after witnessing the first orgasm Shego and Kim had shared, and they kept right on going. The young girl resisted until she saw what the villainess was doing to her heroic cousin with the sex toy. It was the final straw; Joss tucked a hand down her pants, imagining she was Kim, and that Shego was...

Afterwards, Joss was disgusted with herself.

Once the urge had been satisfied, the guilt, shame and anger had set in. The entire situation was sick and wrong, every single part of it, including hers. Girls weren't supposed to do that. Enemies weren't supposed to do that. And she wasn't supposed to spy on them doing it, let alone... what she'd just done. They were sick. She was sick.

She stood to trudge back to bed, when the other ramifications of her actions hit her. Everything was being recorded! And she'd controlled the satellite! Dad would know what they'd done, and that someone had been watching!

Joss quickly reset everything and pulled the disc the nightly recordings were saved to, replacing it with a blank one and formatting it. Hopefully dad would think there was a glitch, or he'd pressed the wrong button, or something. But what was she going to do with the disc she now held in her hands?

Two minutes later, it was hidden among her music CDs in her bedroom. She'd keep it, at least for now. Then she could watch the fight like she'd intended.

_Just_ the fight.


	7. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A post- So The Drama possibility.

Kim and Shego were at it in the parking lot of the latest scientific research and development facility to catch Drakken's attention. It was the first time since the Little Diablo plot that it was just the two of them. The teen hero had hoped it would be an opportunity to clear a few things up, but on her arrival Shego had merely sighed, placed whatever she'd stolen on the ground and attacked. And she had yet to say a single word.

"What's the matter, Shego?" Kim quipped as they grappled, "Forgotten how to use the glow?"

The green girl's reply was surprisingly dispassionate. "Just trying not to do any permanent damage, Kimmie."

"Since when? And what happened to the pet names?"

"Stopped using 'em when you... grew up."

Kim was glad to have gotten a dialogue going, but she could tell that hadn't been what Shego was going to say. "Since BNHQ?"

"Doy."

Kim looked the villainess in the eye, then suddenly released her opponent and took several steps back, palms raised in peace. "Shego, wait. Just... wait." To her surprise, Shego complied, relaxing and placing her hands on her hips, though her frown remained. Now that Kim had her non-violent attention, she was suddenly at a loss for what to say. "Um... well, I guess I want to say sorry."

"For?"

"I... crossed a line, that night. I was really angry and I... I shouldn't have said what I said, or did what I did."

Shego snorted. "Never be sorry, Kimmie. You meant what you said at the time, and you finally managed to hurt me enough to notice. Bet you enjoyed it, too." She paused to watch the redhead look away, shame colouring her cheeks. "Did you even wonder if I'd be okay?"

"I know how tough you are," Kim mumbled.

Another snort. "Not _that_ tough."

Kim turned her eyes back to Shego, her mind making connections between the things the thief had said. Shego could see the cogs turning behind the teenager's eyes and scowled, resuming her stance. "Let's just fight until we find out who wins tonight's doohicky _du jour_ , okay?" She didn't give Kim time to respond before attacking again.

The fight went on, Shego allowing Kim's guilt and remorse to cripple her performance. She had a job to do, after all. But as long as she didn't have a reason to bring her A game against Kimmie, so much the better.

They were circling each other again when the sixth sense hit, a vibration in her mind like the plucked string of an electric guitar.

Kim blinked in surprise as Shego froze, her eyes unfocusing for just a moment. Then the green girl took several steps back and started looking around. The redhead followed suit. "What? Shego, what is it?"

Both girls spun at the sound of footsteps on concrete and saw a man step into the light. He was quite short with wild, dirty blond hair and dark eyes, wearing a trenchcoat. His gaze switched back and forth between the girls before focusing on one. "Shego, was it?" he asked the villainess.

"Yeah."

The man nodded and stepped forward. "Shego, I am Trahaearn Vale." His accent was odd enough for Kim to have difficulty placing it...

"Meaning you were brought up in a Welsh valley before it all began, I suppose," Shego supposed, and was rewarded by a slight nod of the man's head in confirmation. "How'd you find me?"

"I was just passing through. But since you're here..."

"You're challenging me?"

"It's what we do." The man glanced at the redhead. "But our fight is not for spectators."

Shego shrugged and turned to Kim. "You can go, Kimmie. Nothing's getting stolen tonight."

Kim nearly bristled at being dismissed just like that, but it was overridden by the sense that something very wrong was happening. "Shego, what's going on?"

"It's private. So go home, already."

The teenager crossed her arms. "I'm not going anywhere until you explain."

Shego scowled at the stubborn do-gooder. "His challenge trumps our business, alright? And this isn't something I want you to see."

"Why not?"

"Because we're actually gonna try to kill each other."

Kim raised a sceptical eyebrow. "As if you haven't tried to kill me more often than I can count."

"Our first few encounters, maybe; but in the last coupla years, you're the only one who..." Shego trailed off, huffing in irritation at another slip.

"I did _not_!" Kim cried. "Shego, I never meant to _kill_ you!"

"Well, you _did_!" Shego snarled back.

Kim's whisper punctuated the silence that followed. "W-what?"

The villainess growled, her patience gone. "You know what? Stay. Watch. You started it, you might as well see what you've done to me. Just don't interfere, or I'll kill you myself."

"This is not for her!" the challenger declared.

"If there's one person who should know, it's her," Shego told him, turning her back on Kimmie and stepping forward. "She's why I'm in this in the first place."

The man frowned, staring at the teenager, then looked back to the thief. "So be it," he decided, shrugging off the trenchcoat to reveal the bastard sword hidden underneath. "I can always take care of her after I've finished you."

"You won't," Shego growled.

"Where is your blade?"

"Don't need one. I'm already stronger and tougher than you, and I've got _this_." The villainess ignited her glow and watched her challenger's eyes widen in surprise. "You shoulda kept passing through. Now you're dead meat."

Kim stared, gaping, as Shego charged the swordsman.

Even though this was a different dance, it soon became clear to the teen hero that Shego had been holding back during their fights. Kim wasn't sure she would have avoided that blade as long as the villainess already had; the swordsman was obviously a master, and it was clear he was trying to kill his opponent. He was also faster than expected, managing to jab between Shego's attacks until the blade bit.

"First blood to me," the swordsman observed aloud.

"Only the final cut counts," Shego replied before jumping in again.

The swordsman scored more cuts as the fight continued, but he paid for them with burned slashes of his own. Kim realised Shego was playing to her strengths by making it a war of attrition. The swordsman must have come to the same conclusion, because he altered his tactics to compensate, trying to force his opponent to slip up in order to get a solid hit in.

He never got it. Parrying a swipe from a clawed, glowing hand, he never expected Shego to follow the motion through into a somersault, resulting in a boot to the face. The villainess righted herself as he stumbled and landed a solid, glow-enhanced punch that sent him flying. Kim was amazed he managed to retain his grip on his weapon. Nor was he down for the count, even on his back. As Shego approached he took another swing, aimed at her ankles, but she hopscotched over it and the return swing before aiming one foot at his forearm. His pained cry did not drown out the sound of snapping bones.

"It doesn't seem fair," he gasped as he realised he was lost, then looked up as Shego knelt over him. "Take my weapon. I would die by the sword."

"You won't." Shego raised a glowing hand, her palm flat. "Cauterization makes it a lot easier to clean up afterwards."

Even as Kim drew breath to call out, the villainess executed a judo chop that passed clean through the swordsman's neck, severing his head from his body in a fraction of a second. It rolled onto its cheek and lay still.

The teen hero swallowed against the nausea provoked by the sight, and the smell of burnt flesh. "Shego," she gasped, "What did you do..."

Her glow extinguished, the villainess stood and turned to face her. "The same as you, Kimmie. What I'm supposed to."

The teenager would have asked what that meant, but she was distracted by the body. It was _glowing_.

"Because in the end," Shego continued, "There can be only one."

As Kim watched, the shining white fog drifted from the corpse to Shego's feet and seemed to climb up her body and fade into her. With its passing, the body erupted with lightning that arced out in all directions. The lights illuminating the car park were struck and exploded one by one, the solitary car's engine was kickstarted as lights and windows shattered, hubcaps popping from the wheels. The device Shego had stolen fizzled and exploded. And though the energy somehow avoided Kim, it struck Shego again and again.

It was a sight very similiar to what Kim had seen before from the roof of Bueno Nacho headquarters. But this time, Shego's cry was one of victory.


	8. Covert Placement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one came to me while I was failing to write the next chapter of KP: Extraction. It would explain a few things... I suppose this could be the start of a fullblown story, but I'm not even gonna try it right now.

Kim would have waited patiently in the Global Justice conference room, if it were not for the company she was in. She wouldn't have been so nervous if the other person was just sitting and waiting like she was, but Shego was surprisingly... peppy. She was filing her claws, her feet up on the table; that alone would have been normal. But the foot on top was swinging back and forth like a metronome for a song only she could hear... and she was smiling.

Not grinning. Not smirking. _Smiling_. And every time she looked up at the teen hero, the smile would get a little bigger.

It was starting to freak Kim out.

The redhead nearly jumped in her seat when the door opened and Dr. Director walked through. "Sorry to keep you waiting," she told the girls without preamble, "It took longer than I anticipated to dig out the disc."

Both pairs of eyes went to the CD case in her hand as she made her way around the table to the console set in the wall. They watched as she carefully removed the disc from its container and slid it into the appropriate slot before joining them at the table.

Her thumb hovering over the button on her remote control, she paused and glanced at Shego. "Are you absolutely certain?"

"If there's one person to tell," the green girl said with enthusiastic certainty, "It's Kimmie."

"Very well." Dr. Director pushed the button, then leaned back in her chair as the wall-sized screens around the room flickered into life, revealing... the room they were currently in. Kim saw Shego, and opened her mouth to ask what was going on when she noticed that Betty and herself were missing. Then she saw the timecode in the corner of the video. This footage was taken six years ago.

Once again, she watched Dr. Director enter the room and take her place, lay a folder on the table and check her watch. "13:39 on April 21, 2001. Present are myself, Doctor Director, head of Global Justice; and Shego, superhero of Go City and member of Team Go."

" _Former_ member," the younger Shego clarified. "I already quit."

"Which is why we approached you when we did: after you established a bona fide criminal record, before the nature of your misdeeds escalated." The former hero snorted her disbelief, but Dr. Director was not impressed. "We have experience with this sort of thing, Shego. We've seen it before. You already know you're not perfect, and it only takes one mistake to set you on the wrong path." The older woman paused until it was clear Shego was not going to contest her assertion further. "For the record, you are here to confirm your agreement to a covert placement on the behest of Global Justice?"

"You haven't told me what the job is, yet. So far, all I've heard from you is that you want to keep me under control."

"Very astute, but informing you is why we're here." The doctor on the screen raised and activated her own remote control, and the image switched to what was no doubt being displayed on the wall screens: a villain profile. "Drew Lipsky. Alias, Doctor Drakken."

"Mad scientist?" Shego's voice asked.

"Uh, yes. How did you..."

"An experienced guess."

"Hm. Well, he follows the standard mad scientist archetype with the usual variety of psychological disorders... megalomania, persecution complex, bipolar and obsessive-compulsive disorders, etc. He's based right here in his hometown of Middleton."

"Is he really worth you doing the secret base and tube system in this dinky town?"

"Dinky?" Kim repeated with a frown directed at the current Shego, who only shrugged, her smile never faltering.

"Actually, the tri-city area itself warrants a permanent GJ presence. It has become the center of scientific advancement in the entire mid-west. We predict that, when Drakken's escalating behaviour brings him to the attention of of the villainous community, it will also draw _their_ attention _here_."

The image returned to the conference room as the recorded Shego asked, "So where do I come in? You said covert..."

"Drakken recently paid for an ad in the next issue of Villains Quarterly. He's shopping for a sidekick. We want _you_ to be that sidekick."

Shego's delight was palpable, even from the screen. "I get to play the bad guy? For real?"

"You get to continue indulging your less-than-heroic habits of fighting and stealing while influencing Drakken during his world domination stage."

"Uh, how smart actually is he?"

"As a scientist, he's quite brilliant. However, his lack of attention to detail and social ineptitude should allow you to manipulate him with minimal risk of his becoming aware of it."

The Shego on the screen gave the proposal some thought. "Okay, I like what I'm hearing, but I gotta ask... why so sneaky? Why not just place me in town as the local superhero so I can deal with all the bad guys, instead of this one?"

In response, Dr. Director raised her remote control once more... and a photo of a twelve year old redhead appeared. "Kim Possible."

"Does she have any power?"

"Not like yours, but the Possible family tree is a catalogue of extraordinary people going back for generations. Based on Kimberly's actions to date, she may prove to be the apex of fulfilled human potential."

"Really? All I see is a plucky little redhead with braces."

Eighteen year old Kim crossed her arms with an annoyed humph, but the Betty on the screen was quick to defend her estimation. "She's been earning a black belt in a new style of kung fu every year. Seven so far."

"She's been training since she was _five_?"

"Her paternal grandmother's idea, originally. She's a very energetic young girl, and very focused. Her parents needed somewhere for her to channel it."

"Huh. She's gonna burn out by her twentieth birthday."

The image of Dr. Director smiled. "Empathizing with her already?" Shego only scowled, so Betty continued, "We believe it's only a matter of time before she starts fighting supervillains, so it's only a matter of time before the two of you cross paths. You're free to use your own judgement, but I expect you to avoid causing her any permanent harm."

"You're talking as if I've already agreed to this..."

"You have only one reason not to, and that's to be contrary. You're a smart girl, Shego. I'm sure you'll come to the same conclusions we did." Betty opened her folder and pulled out some papers and a pen, placing them before the former heroine.

Shego stared into Dr. Director's remaining eye for nearly a minute, her face impassive, before she started reading the contact.

The current Dr. Director chose that moment to end playback. She rose to her feet, smiled at each girl in turn, and left the room.

"Nothing to say, Kimmie?" Shego asked when she decided the stunned silence had gone on long enough. The teenager only held up one finger in response. It seemed she was replaying all their encounters in her mind.

"The little diablos," she finally said.

Shego sighed. "You know how Dr. D likes to rant. Usually he can't keep his mouth shut and I end up tuning him out because he's already explained the actual plan. But that time, he wouldn't explain a damn thing, even when I threatened him. I thought I'd been sloppy and he'd finally gotten suspicious. Turned out, not telling me was part of the plan. 'If _you_ can't figure it out, _she_ can't figure it out.' That's when I realised he might actually win."

Kim still didn't turn to face her. "That's why you fought so hard at BNHQ?"

"Had to put on a good show, but I made it as easy as I could for you to escape without raising the synthodude's suspicion. He had no previous experience with the mole rat, so it was a sinch to let him underestimate the vermin. And..." Shego sighed again before continuing in the most forthright tone Kim had ever heard from her, "I didn't know about him until I brought him back to the lair. Didn't know Drakken's synthodrone upgrades included an actual face. I could never really say it before, but I'm sorry how that went down, and I don't blame you for what you did."

"Really?"

"That's what I was going to tell you after we took down Electronique."

It took another moment for Kim to process this information, but when she did, she finally looked Shego in the eye and said, "Apology accepted," with a smile. "And for the record, I'm sorry I harshed on you so bad that night, too."

The green girl waved a hand, trying to pass it off as no big. "If I'd ever been the popular girl at school, I probably would have cared about that crap and reacted the same way."

Given the recent revelation, Kim let that attempt at an insult pass. "So... what now?"

"No one else can know about this, Kimmie. Not the buffoon, or nerdlinger, or your family or _anyone_. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, I'm still mean'n'green but smart enough to take a pardon when it lands in my lap. Promise?"

"Promise," the teen hero agreed. "This explains a lot, actually. Not everything..."

Shego squirmed in her chair to make herself more comfortable. "Fire away, Kimmie. We've got time."


	9. Dose of Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one was inspired by a recent discussion in the KP Slash Haven, largely concerning the Season Four Ron Regression, which may have helped inspire some of us to believe Shego was a better option... which is why I ended up writing the second bit after the first.

"Woah. This is kind of expensive."

"Not the kids menu!"

Ron snapped his fingers at the waiter, who waited a brief moment to make sure the blond teenager was serious before giving his date a sympathetic look, placing said menu on the table and walking away.

Ron handed the one-page menu, the majority of which was taken up by the drawing of an otter, over to his girlfriend. "Might I recommend the nuggets _du_ chicken, or the griddled _fromage_?" He then fished out his coupon book, flipped through it, and displayed the one he was looking for to Kim. "Hello! Kids eat free!"

"Ron, not the coupons _again_!" Kim complained.

"You don't mess with a good thing, KP."

"We're not kids. At least _I'm_ not."

Ron didn't seem to be paying attention, glancing back in the direction the waiter had gone. "Right, right... so if anyone asks, you're under twelve."

"Ron, I can't!"

"I know what you're thinking, Kim."

"You do?" The redhead asked with a glimmer of relief. After all this time, he should know better than to ask her to lie; especially after all the fuss he'd caused on Halloween a couple of years ago, because he still wanted to go begging for candy.

" _Garcone_!" The boy mispronounced the word loudly enough for most of the restaurant to hear. "Hi! This baby otter isn't going to colour itself!"

Kim didn't miss the even more dubious look the waiter shot her boyfriend as he delivered the crayons. Another detail Ron's selective attention missed. She stared as he perused the selection.

"Why no brown? What's closer to otter, red or blue?"

"Ron, this is ludicrous!" the redhead argued, her remaining patience dwindling fast as he picked up the purple crayon and started colouring.

"I know! You'd think a swank joint like this could spring for a real box of crayons!" He looked up at Kim and continued in a quieter voice, "Oh and, y'know what, watch your vocab, Kim. 'Ludicrous' is kind of a grown-up word. Remember, you're twelve, so maybe 'doofy' or ' _stupido_ '?"

Kim literally gaped at Ron, because her amazement momentarily outweighed her fury.

Then the scales tipped violently enough to knock over the entire metaphor.

"Well, here's some more grown-up words for you to chew on," she growled, " _Disrespectful_. _Infantile_. And you've got to be _fucking_ kidding me."

 _That_ made Ron look up from his colouring. "Woah, KP-"

Kim cut him short with a thrusting finger pointed at the tip of his nose. "Not one more word, Ronald Stoppable," she said quietly, forcing him to pay attention. "I've tried to put up with your emotional regression since we started dating, but this is the last straw."

"The _last_ straw? What happened to the other straws?"

"You want to count straws? Fine." Kim dug into her purse and retrieved a small, red notebook.

"What's that?"

"The Ledger of Boyfriend Screwups. Every girl has one. Most of us keep it in our head, but lately I figured I should write it all down, or even I wouldn't be able to keep track." The hardback notebook's spine cracked with the force of Kim opening it. "We'll stick to the highlights, shall we? First, of course, is the matter of you calling me in the middle of the night throughout summer vacation."

"Not every night!"

" _One hundred and forty-six times, Ron_. I kept telling you I wouldn't kiss you again until you stopped, but it wasn't until I'd just hang up on you that you started getting the message."

"Huh. Is that why we haven't..."

"A hundred and forty-six times, a hundred and forty-six days; three months to go."

"Ooh..."

Kim flipped a page. "But it wasn't until we were back at school that your 'Ron-ness' _really_ went into overdrive. Our third day as seniors, you went into my closet, stole my battlesuit, and used it to cheat your way onto the football team."

"I told you why!"

" _After_ I told you you didn't have to worry about it! You didn't trust me, you lied to me! All because you misheard about Monique's cellphone! If you were still worried, you should have just _asked_!"

"I thought you forgave me," Ron whined.

"I did. But I didn't forget. Unlike boys, we _never_ forget. Y'know at one point I wished you could've just been a crossdresser, that would've been easier to handle."

Ron gulped as Kim flipped a couple of pages as she skimmed through the contents. How full was that notebook?

"When the tweebs called me a car monkey, you were more worried about your monkey issues than sticking up for your girlfriend. Then after using _my_ puppy dog pout on _me_ , you agreed to get the tweebs out of JP Bearymore's Pizza Party-torium _pronto_ , only to leave me sitting in the parking lot for _hours_."

"At least I didn't make fun of your post-flight hair."

"You don't get any points back for knowing the basics. You're _supposed_ to know that stuff."

"A-thankyou."

"That _wasn't_ a compliment, Ron." Kim growled before returning her attention to the notebook. "Let's see... oh yeah, you ditched in the middle of a mission for a cheese fountain. If it had been big enough, you would've been swimming in it like Rufus. As it was, you had your head under a nozzle like a cartoon drunkard under a keg of ale. The cheese was _in your hair_. _Way_ grody. So much for always having my back!"

"Aw, come on, really?" The blond was incredulous now. "How can you hold that against me? It was a once in a lifetime opportunity! Y'know, you wouldn't even be complaining about that if we were still just friends."

Kim stared for a moment, then snapped the notebook shut, deciding there was no point in continuing. "In the last few years, you've really been improving, as a sidekick, and as a person. But since we started dating, you've been acting like _you're_ the one who's twelve. Your behaviour has _literally_ gone backwards. If this was Agony County, people would be wondering if the network had pressured the writers to find something new to do with Brock after the brainswap arc." Ron opened his mouth, but Kim gestured again to cut him off. "No, this time you keep that big mouth shut and _listen_.

"I put up with a lot while we were growing up. You were wierd, but I liked you, and you've been my best friend for most of my life. But since we've been dating... it's as if you've been _trying_ to sabotage our relationship. We're not just friends, anymore, Ron! But instead of paying _more_ attention to my feelings, you've been paying _less_! And everything, _everything_ you've done here tonight? _Not okay_. I'd rather go to Bueno Nacho than let you bring me here and subject me to this."

Ron stared blankly at Kim in the silence that followed. Either he was in shock, or he just wasn't getting it. With a sigh, the redhead put the notebook in her purse and got to her feet.

"Kim, wait!" Ron cried as soon as he realised she was leaving.

"I don't want to hear it. Not until you've actually thought about it. And the same goes for our next date, because right now I'd rather go out with Shego than let you put me through _this_ again. Find your own way home." Kim walked away without another word, ignoring everyone until she was out of the restaurant.

* * *

"Oh, great. How did you know?"

"You're predictable."

"Really, am I?" Shego asked sarcastically. "Then predict this!" She lunged forward with a left hook, but Kim somersaulted over and behind her, getting impressive distance considering she was jumping from a full stop.

The two charged each other, and Kim landed a solid hit to the stomach. Shego being Shego, however, it didn't even slow her down. Kim dodged, Shego blocked, attacks alternated from fists to legs and back again...

The Sloth pulled up beside them, horn honking, diverting their attention from each other. "Kim, I'll keep circling, there's nowhere to park!"

"You too?" Shego asked Kim as the sidekick drove on. To the green girl's surprise, the teen hero didn't respond, only frowning at the purple car as it turned the corner. "Hello, Earth to Possible? Mid-combat banter, here!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry..."

"What's the matter, afraid your boyfriend will crash your precious plum-on-wheels?"

"He's not my boyfriend anymore," the redhead muttered without thinking.

Shego had heard that Kim and her sidekick were a thing now. She hadn't believed it, but to learn it had been true, and now wasn't... "What happened, realised you were settling?"

Now she had Kim's full attention. "What do you mean?"

"What happened to the cute guy you were with while Drakken was trying to blush you out of existence?"

The redhead was surprised her nemesis recalled such a detail. "Josh? We dated for a while, but the more I got to know him, the more I knew I'd idealised him. In the end it was no big. Why do _you_ care?"

The villainess didn't even think before responding, he taunting smirk firmly in place. "With all the growin' up you've been doing lately, I need new fodder to taunt you with. You and the buffoon together makes _no_ sense to me, but if it's already over..."

Kim glared at her for a moment, before her expression turned thoughtful. "What about you and Junior?"

"Huh? Oh... no, it's nothing like that. He busted me out to help pull off a perfect caper for his poppa's birthday."

" _That's_ why you're after the tome?" Observing Shego's affirming shrug, the teenager considered the situation for a moment, before a surprisingly wily grin crept across her lips. "Tell you what: I'll let you steal the book, and take it back from Senior's island later... but on one condition."

The villainess covered her surprise by huffing as if it was so much to ask for. "What is it?"

"Go out with me."

Shego didn't literally have to pick her jaw up off the floor, but it got pretty close. "Go out... you mean... like a _date_?"

"No, not _like_ a date. An _actual_ date. I want you to take me out on an actual date."

It took a moment for the green girl to form a response, but it wasn't what the teen hero was expecting. "I... I thought you hated me!"

Despite the memory that brought up, Kim's confident attitude only buckled for a moment. "Oh, yeah... I, uh, guess I did when I said it, but... I don't. And if you want me to explain that, you'll have to wait for our date."

Kim looked so terribly smug for adding that little detail to the deal, that Shego couldn't help but be... impressed. And it _would_ be worth it to see if she would actually let them steal the damn book. "Okay, fine. You've got a deal."

They shook on it. Shego watched, hands on hips, as Kim waved the Sloth to a stop on its next pass. "False alarm, Ron," the teen hero said as she approached the passenger door, "Let's go home."

"But... Shego?"

"Oh, yeah. We're dating now."

"Wha-huh!?"

"Actually, you know what? Slide over. I don't trust you to fly the sloth."

The blond boy continued his spluttering attempts at forming coherent sentences even as he switched seats, until Kim got behind the wheel and drove off. The green girl suspected she'd just been roped into some sort of passive-aggressive revenge shtick. _Curiouser and curiouser. This date might be worth the effort, after all._

A moment later, Shego realised that she had no idea what to do for a date.


	10. Ultraviolet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This idea came to me when I reached what was the latest chapter of Revelations of Destiny by Lord Kellendros, specifically the chapter DEFCON 2. When he posted the next chapter, I finally got around to writing this down.

The intruder was so silent and motionless, Doctor Director didn't notice his presence in her office until she'd settled into her seat. His behaviour did not change as she stared, save for a slight smile, waiting for her to choose how to react. He was standing perfectly straight but was otherwise relaxed, his hands together, fingers interlaced, in plain view at the front of his waist. His suit looked expensive, but he wore no tie and the top button of his collared shirt, the colour of which matched his pale turqoise eyes, was unbuttoned.

His undetected presence in a top secret facility was alarming, but his appearance and behaviour seemed benign, if not without purpose.

"Who are you?" the head of Global Justice chose to ask.

The intruder took a breath, drawing attention the fact that he had not done so until now. His accent was from North London, which meant he might be from anywhere else. "I believe your kind refer to mine as Code Five."

Dr. Director's entire body tensed involuntarily.

"Oh, you needn't worry. If my intentions were hostile we wouldn't be talking."

"Hostile? You want to wipe humanity off the face of the earth."

"Some of us." The Code Five observed Dr. Director's raised eyebrow and expounded on his vague response. "How many of us do you think there are? Our population exploded alongside yours. We are a community. A culture. And, as in all communities, all cultures... opinion is divided."

" _You_ are the source of all religions? _You_ are the afterlife, there's nothing else?"

The intruder did not show any surprise that Betty knew the statements she was quoting. "Words spoken to a priest dying of cancer. That doesn't make it untrue of course, the honest blade always cuts the deepest." The slight smile returned. "That's why we enjoy using it so often."

"You're here because of Kim Possible," Dr. Director realised.

"We've been watching her for some time. There are details of which you are likely unaware."

"And sharing those details with me helps you, how?"

Again, that damn smile, the only answer to her question. "Shego was unaware of the third agent, who was about to shoot her in the back. It might have been fatal if not for Kim's interference. The bullet passed through Shego's stomach. When she turned, she saw the man who had just shot her pointing his weapon at Kim's face. He lost the arm before he could pull the trigger.

"Your agent is responsible for the unwarranted escalation, not Shego."

Betty didn't like the sound of that. "Her feelings for Kim-"

"Irrelevant. Arming your agents with SHOC gloves is one thing, but Shego just had a hole blown clean through her, from behind, without warning. She would be well within her right to invoke the Covenant." The Code Five took a moment to observe Dr. Director's unhappy reaction before continuing. "Luckily for you, She's a smart girl who prefers the personal touch. And now of course, as you said, there is Kim."

"Of course," the head of GJ murmered, her mind already mapping out the implications until another detail interrupted. "The missing AV rig..."

"Is not in our possession," the intruder informed her. "There are communities more secretive than either of ours. This one also has an interest in Kim Possible, and wanted to downplay the severity of the incident so that you would not overreact."

" _I_ would not?"

The Code Five, in an uncharacteristic display of human mannerism, cocked his head. "You are not aware your organisation is compromised?" His only answer was a frown, which he took to mean that she knew _something_ , if not how much. "I think I shall take my leave now. I would suggest going to Paris yourself, give Kim a friendly face to talk to. Perhaps you should visit Florida on the way."

"Why?" Dr. Director asked harshly as the intruder began to pace calmly toward the door.

"Her grandmother. Give her the name Corscan Mataii and ask her to tell you everything, _before_ you ask the same of Kim."

"You still haven't explained why you're here."

The intruder paused without turning around. "You're not the only ones interested in recruiting Kim Possible. Neither are we."

And with that, he was gone.

Betty turned to her computer, calling up her office security footage as well as opening a general operations file labelled 'CODE V - OVERVIEW'. Checking her watch, she scrolled the time on the footage to when she last left her office, watched her former self do just that on the screen, and set the video to play at double speed as she refreshed herself on the the information displayed on the other window.

Nothing in the video moved until her return five minutes ago. She thought she would have at least seen the door open and close in between. Slowing it back to normal, she watched herself stare and converse with thin air. Watched thin air move to the door, before working the computer. The door still had not moved.

Dr. Director's eyes switched back to the text in the other window, focusing on a particular paragraph...

_Detectable by human senses ONLY. No type of photography, videography or audiography of any spectrum or wavelength will detect a Code V. The extent to which this applies to objects it directly interacts with remains unclear, but vehicles controlled by Code V have been recorded. They do not appear on any reflective surface. Even ink does not record, rendering fingerprint techniques useless._

It didn't make sense. Scientifically, there was no reason the door's opening and closing at the hands of a Code V... she paused at another phrase in the overview. _Outside time_. Well, that - and quantum mechanics - might explain it.

When she finished reading the overview, Doctor Director picked up the phone, hitting a button on its console before bringing the receiver to her ear. "Lockdown. The facility has been infiltrated. All personnel are to undergo medical ultraviolet screening. This is not a drill."

Third parties aside, she knew what the Code Five had meant when it referred to recruiting. Even if they found a way to convince Kim Possible to join them, Betty wasn't about to let anyone... any _thing_ turn the girl into a damn vampire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confused? When I recommend watching Ultraviolet, I'm not talking about yet another crappy Milla movie. I'm talking about the English mini-series starring Jack Davenport (before he played Norrington in the Pirates trilogy). All six episodes are on youtube and are worth watching.


	11. Meet Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is based off the Team Fortress 2 videos that introduce the different characters/classes. I've never played the game but I love the videos. If you have not seen them, you've missed out, and I am happy to correct this oversight. New tab to youtube and watch them, from Meet the Heavy to Meet the Pyro. Do it now. The words below can wait.

**Meet the Hero**

Following the title screen, Kim sits on a crate in a dark warehouse littered with unconscious henchmen and talks to the camera.

"I'm Kim Possible. And this..." she indicates her white and blue outfit, "Is my battlesuit. It weighs next to nothing, but it's impact and energy resistant with a built-in grappling hook and energy scoop, and comes with both shield and stealth capability." She leans forward. "And if the suit _does_ get damaged, it heals itself automatically."

Cut to an earlier shot of Kim laughing as frustrated henchman beat against the battlesuit's forcefield with shock staffs, to no effect.

The shot returns to Kim on the crate as she wipes a yellow substance (that has been there the whole time) off the belly of her battlesuit with a finger. "Oh my god, what's this?" She sniffs the substance, then tries to keep her temper under control as she looks off-camera. "Alright... Ron, have you been wearing my battlesuit again?"

Cut to a closer shot of Kim's face. "Some villains still think they can outsmart me." She shrugs. "Maybe. _Occasionally_." She grins and shows off the kimmunicator on her wrist, a boy genius giving a thumbs up on the display as she continues, "I've yet to meet one that can outsmart Wade."

The closing shot slowly zooms back from Kim beating up the small horde of henchmen as they attack from all sides, a brief sting of the Kim Possible theme accompanying Kim's grunting and the pained cries of her opponents, until she yells, "Meet the bubble!" and activates the forcefield, sending the nearest henchman flying in all directions just as the shot cuts to black.

Kim's voice giggles. "Meet the bubble..."

Cue ending group shot.

* * *

**Meet the Teacher**

The segment starts with several brief examples of Steven Barkin catching students doing things he usually punishes with detention, the last involving Ron Stoppable who goes, "Oh, man!" when he notices Barkin is present.

Cue title screen.

Like a drill sergeant, Barkin addresses what appears to be a group of schoolchildren in detention as his theme plays. "Alright, people, listen up! 'If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must _fight_!' Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you kids do, because he invented it! And then he perfected it, so that no living man could best him in the ring of honour!"

Brief cut to a flashback of Barkin's time in the military, screaming and brandishing a collapsible shovel before charging into a battlefield mostly involving guns and the occasional rocket.

Cut back to the classroom. "Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth," he continues, demonstrating with a pair of chalkboard erasers. "And then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the stuffing out of every single one!" He bashes the two erasers together and starts choking in the resulting cloud of chalk dust.

In the flashback, Barkin miraculously fails to get killed by anything, jumping just as a grenade explodes, sending him up onto a wall behind which the enemy are taking cover. He jumps down and knocks out three soldiers in quick succession with the shovel.

In the classroom, Barkin finishes wiping the chalk off himself with a hankerchief before returning his attention to the room. "And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo!"

The camera angle is suddenly reversed, revealing the supposed school children to be crash test dummies wearing wigs and occasionally hats. The head of one takes this opportunity to drop off its body and fall to the floor.

Cue ending group shot.

"Unless it's a farm!" Barkin, on his hands and knees, informs the fallen head.

* * *

**Meet the Mad Golfer**

The title screen is interrupted by explosions, revealed to be caused by Duff Killigan as he holds off golf course security with exploding golf balls.

Cut to the interior of his castle, where he is sitting at a table covered with the tools of his trade. "What makes me the world's most dangerous golfer?" he incredulously asks the camera, apparently repeating the question that was just put to him. "If I were a boring, hum-drum, run-of-the-mill golfer, I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing exploding golf balls with ye, now, would I!"

Cut to a second action shot. "Let's do it!" Duff yells as he jumps into frame and starts swinging, a barrage of exploding golf balls scattering a group of Global Justice agents. He laughs and yells, "Not one of ye's gonna survive this!"

Cut back to the castle, where Duff is gesturing with a hand holding a bottle of scotch. "One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one _errant twitch_... and KABLOOIE!" He slams the bottle onto the table to help make his point.

The third action shot is interspersed with brief cutbacks to Duff draining the bottle of scotch. The action comprises of various trick shots such as rebound, backspin and bouncing a ball off the end of his golf club before sending it flying, thus ensuring it explodes on impact.

Duff slams the empty bottle down on the table, causing a golf ball to roll off the edge without him noticing. The alcohol has briefly turned rage to sorrow. "I wear a kilt, with a sporran in font an' pleats behind, because I'm _Scottish_!" Another slam of the bottle. "And the yanks call it a _skirt_ , 'cause they've got more nessies in America than they've got the likes o' me!"

Duff's theme begins to play as he regains his resolve. "So!" The shot cuts to a slightly slowed down sequence of events, starting with Killigan running from GJ agents, led by Will Du who bears a smug smirk. "T'all ye fine dandies, so proud, so cock-sure, prancin' aboot with yer heads full of eyeballs!" Killigan runs around a corner, reaching the end of a corridor. Stopping, he sprays all around the floor, walls and ceiling with a spraycan, and grass very quickly starts to grow. "Come and get me, I say!" Now a safe distance away, he wacks away at a row of golf balls. "I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone." Du and the other agents round the corner, and the smirk becomes a horrified gape as he notices the golf balls stuck in the tall grass around the end of the corridor. "I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end!"

The golf balls explode.

When the smoke clears, we see from Will's point of view as Killigan walks over, laughing maniacally, before looking down at him. "Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!"

Cue ending group shot.

* * *

**Meet the Mad Scientist**

The title screen is followed by the interior of Dr. Drakken's lair. Drakken is standing in a haphazard pile of equipment dominated by the death ray he is currently tinkering with, while Shego sits nearby in an armchair, reading Villainess magazine.

We join them in the middle of a conversation. "Look, Shego... mad or not, I'm a scientist. That means I try to solve the world's problems!"

"All of 'em?" Shego asks in disinterest as she turns a page.

"Well... not problems like, 'what is beauty,' because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy."

"Uh-huh."

"I solve _practical_ problems!"

Shego finally looks up from her magazine. "So, for instance: how are you going to stop the cheerleader from tearing you a structurally superfluous new behind?"

"Language, Shego! And the answer? Build a death ray!" He gestures dramatically at his death ray.

Shego's stare remains fixed on Drakken. "And if that doesn't work?"

"...Build more death rays?" He roots around the junk surrounding him before dragging a smaller weapon out of the mess and struggles to lift it onto the work bench. "Like this... heavy..." He finally succeeds in planting the weapon on the bench. "Tripod-mounted little number! Designed by Dr. Drakken!" He raises a wrench, lost in the throes of his grandstanding. "Built by Dr. Drakken!" He taps the top of the weapon a couple of times with the wrench.

The weapon discharges, and happens to be aimed in a predictably unfortunate direction. When the smoke clears, Drakken is a charred, smoking mess that topples after an appropriately comical pause.

"And you'd best hope not pointed at Dr. Drakken," Shego sarcastically finishes for him as her attention returns to her magazine.

Cue ending group shot.

* * *

**Meet the Henchman**

One of Drakken's henchman is in the driver's seat of a parked van, using a tablet to look at faked porn images of Shego. He swipes, then turns the tablet ninety degrees. "Boom. Money shot."

Cue title screen.

Cut to the henchman driving the van. "Henching's a good job, bub!" He pauses to signal and turn. "It's challenging work - in the lair _or_ out-of-doors - and I guarantee you'll not go hungry, 'cause at the end of the day, as long as there's one supervillain left on the planet, they're gonna want minions."

Cut to Drakken's lair where a random act of the henchman sets off a slapstick sequence of events resulting in the injury of other henchmen, Dr. Drakken and, ultimately... "Ooh." ...the destruction of his latest death ray.

Cut to a shot of the henchman speaking at a payphone by the road. "Dad? Dad, I'm… Not a crazed thug, Dad, I'm a henchman! ...Well, the difference being one's a job, and the other's mental sickness!"

Back to the van. "I'll be honest with you: my parents... do _not_ care for it."

Cut to a shot of the henchman sneaking a peek around a corner, then looking back to the camera, whispering, "I think her sidekick saw me..." From out of shot, we hear Ron Stoppable doing his monkey impression. The henchman facepalms and says, "Yes, yes he did."

Cut to a shot of Kim Possible facing the camera when she is stunned from behind with a shock staff. "Feelings?" Back to the van. "Look, bub, you know who has a lot of feelings? Guys that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. _Professionals_ have _standards_."

The henchman salutes to Shego as she passes, ignoring him. "Be polite."

The henchman tightens the ropes binding the unconscious Team Impossible together. "Be efficient."

The henchman stands by a lever, watching Team Possible sneaking through the lair. "Have a plan to capture everyone you meet." He pulls the lever and the screen goes black, with only the sound of a loud metal clang and a yelping Stoppable to follow.

Cue ending group shot.

Cut to the roadside again. "Dad. Dad, put..." The henchman sighs. "Put mom on the phone."

* * *

**Meet the Sidekick**

We start with a montage of Ron Stoppable following Kim Possible through an air vent, waiting for her to engage Dementor's henchmen, running around pressing buttons and flicking switches, opening panels and pulling wires, until things start exploding, at which point the heroes escape the lair as it blows.

Cue title screen. Ron hesitantly walks in front of the title screen from off frame. "Um... I don't even know where to start," he stammers, clearly insecure. "I mean, do you even know who you're talking to?" He gestures to the screen behind him.

From here we cut back and forth between Ron and his archfoe. Monkey Fist is about to eat a naco, when he gets poked in the head by a quarterstaff wielded by Ron, who is standing behind him. "Hey, you really gonna eat that?" he asks.

"Do you have any idea, _any_ idea who I am?"

Monkey Fist failing to land any hits on Ron.

Ron gets cocky. "Between you and me... Team Possible wouldn't work without the Ron factor."

Ron on Monkey Fist's back, trying to strangle him with the quarterstaff.

Ron flexes his noodle of a bicep. "Oh man, that's beautiful."

Monkey Fist holding Ron in a headlock.

"Are you listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and man..." he pokes the camera, "I distract the bad guys," he finishes with typical undeserved smugness.

Ron whacks Monkey Fist in the gut with his quarterstaff with a "BOINK!"

"I'm the mystical monkey master!"

A quarterstaff strike to the chin. "BOINK!"

"If you'd been through what I'd been through, there'd be major bone-breakage. At least!"

Monkey Fist is on the ground, reaching for the naco; Ron runs a few steps up the wall, jumps off and slams his quarterstaff into Monkey Fist's head.

He strikes a _faux_ kung fu pose. "BOO-YAH!"

Cue ending group shot.

The final shot slowly zooms back as Ron chows down on the naco, revealing that he's sitting on the back of an unconscious Monkey Fist.

* * *

**Meet the Naco**

A naco sits inside a fridge.

Cue title screen. There's probably a 'copyright Ron Stoppable' logo on it.

Back to the fridge interior. From nearby, Drakken's voice can be heard. "There he is!"

Shego's voice follows. "You! Stop right where you are! Dr. D, he's getting away! Do _not_ let him get to the refri-"

The fridge door is opened, presumably by Ron Stoppable, who reaches for the naco. Drakken warns him, "Don't do it, buffoon!"

Shego agrees. "Do _not_ do it!"

The fridge door is slammed shut, but it doesn't block the sound of Ron hungrily devouring the naco.

"Oh, doodles," Drakken says. "Okay, let's just calm down here! Are you listening... uh, what's his name, again?" Any answer is interrupted by Ron's monkey impersonation. "Oh god. Oh god oh god oh-" The fridge is rocked by a collision as Drakken cries out in pain, before he exclaims, "Stoppable! It's Stoppable!"

"You call that monkey kung fu?" Shego snarks. "You wouldn't know how to do kung fu if-" _CRACK_. "Augh! You monkey!" Shego's glow can be heard lighting up, and further sounds of violence ensue.

Cue a step-by-step ending shot depicting the creation of the naco, followed by Ron in the rafters of a warehouse, a Bueno nacho take-away bag beside him, eating a naco while he watches Kim Possible taking on a small horde of henchmen. (Her cry of, "Meet the bubble!" might be heard just as the shot fades to black.)

* * *

**Meet The Agent**

An intruder alert in a lair sends a fit Henchmen scrambling.

"Is it Possible?" the fit henchman asks as he grabs a shock staff.

Via the speakers, Gemini's voice orders, "Protect the briefcase!"

"We need to protect the briefcase!" the fit henchman declares redundantly as he rushes to the room containing the briefcase.

A thin henchman is trying to open the door to the briefcase room, with no result. "Yo, a little help here?" he calls when he sees the fit henchman approaching.

"All right, all right, I've got it. Stand back," The fit henchmansays as he approaches, and begins tapping at the keypad on the door. "One, one, one... uh... one!"

"Let's go, let's go!" the thin henchman says as the code proves to be incorrect.

Meanwhile, a big henchman appears behind them and begins to charge. "INCOMING!"

Cut to the door from inside the room. It explodes inwards as the three henchmen pile in. The thin one is knocked into the table on which the briefcase still sits. "Hey, it's still here!"

"All right, then," the big henchman says.

Someone behind them clears their throat, and the all turn to see Gemini, carrying Alpha's unconscious form over his shoulder. "Gentlemen," he says with false civility.

Cue title screen.

"I see the briefcase is safe?" Gemini asks as he approaches the table.

"Safe and sound," the fit henchman declares.

Gemini is not impressed. "Tell me, did anyone happen to catch an intruder on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem." He hoists Alpha onto the table, beside the briefcase. A pair of electrodes are attatched to his back, from which hangs...

"And a GJ stopwatch," the fit henchman adds.

"Oh-ho-ho, big problem," the thin henchman says sarcastically as he yanks the wires from Alpha and tries to retract them into the stopwatch. "I've taken on plenty of Global Justice agents. They're a dime a dozen!" Anything else he might have said is interrupted as he shocks himself. "Ouch!"

Gemini snatches the stopwatch from the henchman and successfully retracts the wires before throwing the device back to him. "If _you_ managed to stop them, I assure you they are nothing, _nothing_ like the woman loose inside this building!"

"What are you, president of her fan club?" The thin one asks, causing the fat one to chuckle.

"No," Gemini answers, drawing an open envelope from a pocket, "That would be your mother!" He tosses the envelope onto the table, and photos depicting Betty Director having intimate relations with another woman spill out.

The thin one is shocked to recognise the other woman. "What the..."

Gemini sneers at the henchman. "Indeed. And now she's here to 'handle' _us_! So listen up, boy, or lesbian pornography starring your mother will be the _second_ worst thing that happens to you today!" He threatens the thin one with his metal hand, while the other two look at the photos.

The fit one hums appreciatively at a photo the big one shows him, drawing the thin one's attention. "Gimme that!" he says, snatching at the photos.

The intimidating moment lost, Gemini gets on with business. We see Betty in action as he narrates. "My twin sister has already breached our defenses. You see what she's done to our colleagues! And worst of all, she could be any one of us!" After this declaration, we see her scan an unconscious henchmen with her belt buckle and assume his identity.

Cut back to Gemini in the briefcase room. "She could be in this very room! She could be you! She could be _me_! She could _even_ b–" He is unexpectedly interrupted by a shock staff and collapses.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the thin one says, backing off from the unexpected violence.

"What?" the fit one asks. "It was obvious! He's Doctor Director! Watch, he'll turn into her any second now." He taps the unconscious Gemini's boot with the staff, giving him another shock, but nothing changes. "Aaany second now..."

The fat one, also leaning over Gemini, waits a moment longer before looking at the fit one to say, "When he wakes up, he's going to kill you." Neither of them notice the thin one putting on the stopwatch, then fiddling with his belt buckle. His image shimmers to reveal Betty.

The fit one sighs. "Alright, who's ready to go find Doctor Director?"

"Right behind you," she answers. The screen cuts to black as she uses the stopwatch on the fit one before we hear her beating up the big one.

Cue ending group shot.

Betty, briefcase in hand, sorts through the photos on the table and selects one to take with her. "Well, could be worse," she admits with a sly smirk. "Could be _Kimberly's_ mother."

* * *

**Meet the (other) Mad Scientist**

A peaceful scene in the German mountainside is interrupted by an explosion, and a pair of Henchco henchmen are fleeing for their lives.

"Move, move!" One cries to the other. "Come on, come on, we're almost-" A blast of orange energy knocks him to the ground. Looking back the way he has come, he sees a blob of wavy green energy (not Shego's) flying through the air like an artillery strike. "Whoa, what the-"

The energy impacts, the henchman goes flying with a scream. He slams into a small window and groans, "Professor..."

Cue title screen.

The henchman's face slides off the window as the camera zooms back to reveal an operating room, with a number of bats hanging here and there. Another henchman is on the operating table, fully conscious despite the fact that his chest is open and his internal organs are exposed. A ceiling-mounted 'medigun' is firing a continuous beam at his torso, keeping him alive. Professor Dementor, holding the henchman's heart in the beam, is telling a story that the henchman finds hilarious despite his current circumstances.

"Vait, vait, it gets better! Vhen ze patient voke up, his skeleton vas missing, and ze doctor vas never heard from again!" They both burst out laughing again. When they calm down, Dementor adds, "Anyvay... zat's how I lost my medical licence. Heh." The henchman is suddenly no longer amused, but they are both distracted when a bat pokes his head up out of the henchman's guts. "Archimedes! No! It's filthy in zere! Ugh," Dementor scolds the bat, waving it away until it takes off to rejoin the other bats hanging from the surrounding equipment. He shrugs at the henchman. "Bats," he says, as if it explains everything.

Turning to grab a small device with 'UBER' written on the side, he plugs it into the heart. "Now, most hearts couldn't vithstand zis voltage, but I'm fairly certain _your_ heart-"

The heart explodes. A piece of it knocks Archimedes from his perch, the bats on either side of him following his progress across the room.

"What was that noise?" the henchman asks.

"Ze sound of progress, my friend!" Dementor tells him as he plucks a scrap of the detonated heart from the device. He opens a refrigerator containing several hearts sitting in petri dishes. "Ah, perfect," he declares, taking the 'mega dachshund' heart, revealing the severed head of a Lorwardian behind it.

"Kill me," the head mutters.

"Later," Dementor answers before closing the fridge and turning back to the henchman. "Vhere vas I? Ah, zere ve go..." The new heart does not explode when the uber device is plugged into it, but begins to beat rapidly. "Come on... come on..." He starts to laugh maniacally as the beating gets louder and louder, and the henchman very nervously joins in. The other bats edge away from Archimedes.

Everyone looks away as the heart glows brightly, but the beat settles. When they look again, it seems normal except for being 'uber-textured.' "Oh, zat looks good," Dementor decides before dropping the heart back into the henchman's chest. "Very nice."

"Should I be awake for this?" the henchman suddenly asks.

"Ah... vell, no; but as long as you are, could you hold your ribcage open a bit? I can't seem..." the professor pushes as the henchman more or less complies. A sudden shove and a snap, and the henchman cries out in pain before holding up one of his own ribs. "Oh, don't be such a baby," Dementor says, taking the rib from the henchman, "Ribs grow back!" Tossing the rib over his shoulder as he turns to the medigun, he whispers to Archimedes, "No zey don't."

Pulling the medigun close and increasing the power, they both watch as the henchman's body seals itself back up, followed by his grey uniform. He takes a deep breath; all seems well. "What happens now?" he asks.

"Now?" Dementor chuckles as he helps the henchman up. "Now we test my bondocannon."

Dementor grabs the medigun off the ceiling mount while the henchman grabs what looks like a futuristic minigun. Cut to the heavy metal door of a bunker sliding open. Dementor steps out, bats flying free from the darkness behind him. The henchman follows in their wake, running ahead of Dementor, bondocannon in his hands. They observe the fleeing henchman that did not hit the window running in their direction. "Professor!" he cries, as another glowing gleen artillery shot approaches from the horizon and sends him flying on impact.

Dementor heals the henchman once he lands, then notices the one that hit the window and heals him too. They all take cover as orange energy blasts start peppering their location.

The henchman with the uberheart peeks around a truck to see an army of Lorwardians rushing their position, supported by several quadropods. "Professor!" he calls over the increasing alien gunfire. "Are you sure this will work?"

Dementor laughs. "I have no idea!" he admits, before flicking a switch on the medigun labelled 'ubercharge.' The henchman shrugs, readies his weapon and breaks cover. The uberbeam from the medigun hits him from behind, making him yell as his whole body starts to glow. In the next moment, his body, his clothes, even his weapon are uber-textured.

He begins to advance with Dementor close behind, firing the bondocannon at the oncoming alien horde. Orange and then green energy weapons begin to focus on him, but it all bounces off and doesn't even slow him down. "I AM INVINCIBLE!" the henchman roars, as the bondo ammunition detonates among the aliens, essentially gluing each of them to their neighbours.

Climbing over the growing mound of incapacitated Lorwardians, with Dementor at his back, the henchman turns the weapon against the legs of the alien war machines, toppling them. The final shot is the pair of them atop a mountain of writhing aliens, triumphant.

Cue ending group shot.

Cut to the waiting room outside the operating room, where various other villains are waiting. Dementor's voice can be heard through the doors.

"Zat looks good, very nice zere, yes!"

"Hey, thanks prof!" Motor Ed declares before exiting the operating room. "Aw, dudes," he addresses the waiting villains, "You would not believe how much this hurts. I mean, seriously."

Ed's chest bulges as a bat's squeaking is heard from within. Ed looks down at his chest in shock.

"Archimedes?" Dementor calls.

* * *

**Meet Shego**

The title screen is burned from the center out by green fire.

Extreme close-ups of Shego prowling - boots stepping, clawed gloves clenching, kicking open a door, lighting up the glow - are interspersed with apparent attempts at anonymous interviews in a dark room backlit by a large curtained window.

Kim: "I fear no man... but that woman... she scares me."

Ron: "No, I'm not... I'm not talking about that freak, alright?" He cringes suddenly. "She's not _here_ , is she?" he asks in a near panic as he struggles with his clip-on microphone. "How do I get this thing off?"

Gemini: "One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that scowl." Cut to a shot of said scowl, illuminated by her glow. "What dreams of violent and sustained cruelty..."

The camera zooms into one of her eyes to discover Miss Go Land, featuring a sickeningly cute and sweet candyland, and a happy song playing in the background.

Toddler Kim appears and begins rushing toward Miss Go, who pulls a lollipop from her pocket and skips over to Kim. When they meet, she pops the sweet into toddler Kim's mouth - a quick shot of Shego punching teen hero Kim in the mouth interrupts - toddler Kim seems delighted with the lollipop.

Toddler Ron rushes over to join them. Miss Go blows bubbles in toddler Ron's face, who somersaults backwards in delight as they pop ; Shego hits sidekick Ron in the face with a concussive blast that sends him somersaulting backwards.

Miss Go notices toddler Dementor waving at her before ducking into a gift box, so she skips over and plays peekaboo with him; Shego blocks the warehouse doors with a fireman's axe, then burns it down with Professor Dementor inside.

Miss Go leads a parade of toddlers Kim, Ron, Dementor, Killigan, Drakken and Barkin through candyland...

Duff Killigan is on the ground, on fire. "Och, I'm burning!" The camera turns to reveal Dr. Drakken fleeing the carnage. Another turn to reveal an injured Barkin crawling toward the camera, reaching a a green boot with an ankle pouch, and making the mistake of grabbing it while screaming for help.

Cut to a shot of Shego's enraged face looking down on him. She seems to grab him by the collar and hoists him up before raising a glowing fist and punching him in the chest. Barkin can be heard screaming.

Cue ending group shot.

The camera slowly zooms back as Miss Go skips away, pulling back through the hole in Barkin's torso before he collapses, revealing Shego stalking through a burning and collapsing warehouse district.


	12. The Original Character Quiz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contains spoilers for Getting Things Rolling, which I have yet to post on AO3. Go find it on ff.net if you prefer.

**1\. Hi! What's your real name and nickname?**

Lucius Vere. The Motivator.

**2\. Interesting... what's your current age?**

Old enough to know better.

**3\. What's your favorite food?**

This matters? ...Anything involving chicken, I suppose. Unless it's Indian.

**4\. And your favorite drink?**

Vodka and one fruit juice or another. Or milk, if it's a white russian. I like to mix things that are good for me with things that are bad for me.

**5\. Who's your crush/lover?**

Monique? But she's half my age. Latest genuinely interesting person to cross my attention, at least.

**6\. Have you two kissed yet?**

I make her laugh.

**7\. Classic question! What's your favorite colour?**

Amber.

**8\. Who's your favorite author?**

Plato.

**9\. Now what's your biggest fear?**

That humanity will succumb to its own stupidity.

**10\. Any siblings?**

None.

**11\. Who's your hero?**

It should be myself. My truth ray could have revolutionized criminal detection and prosecution. Instead, they declared it mad science. They prefer their convoluted bureaucracy, their red tape; what better to hide their own crimes behind? And when I exposed them? Forced confessions, lack of due process! Never mind the fact that it was the _truth_! Forcing justice to be done was worth going from vigilante to villain...

*sigh* An old rant. Shego is the only hero I have ever respected.

**12\. Ok, who is your worst enemy?**

Hego. Worst, enemy, _ever_. I'm not sure if the man has no brain or if he simply never grew up... wait. Did you mean _most effective_ enemy? Shego again.

**13\. What would you do if your hero and your worst enemy got together?**

It would never happen, either way. Shego hates her brother as much as cloning.

**14\. What would you do if you met your creator?**

Revenge? Give him the full treatment for what he's put me through? The effort would be as futile as complaining to gods about the folly of men.

**15\. Okay, I'll contact Trahern right now. Done! Now, what do you want to be when you grow up?**

After the previous two questions concerning my age, I'm tempted to ignore this one... but, I wanted to be a movie soundtrack composer. It's the new classical.

**16\. What's your worst nightmare?**

See 9. Add that I am still alive to see it.

**17\. What's your lifelong dream?**

See 15. Then 11. This is getting tedious...

**18\. What would you do if your lifelong dream came true?**

Both have already been denied me. There was never a third.

**19\. Ok, where's your favorite place to relax?**

Bed, obviously.

**20\. Last question! What do you spend most of your time doing?**

Just passing through, staying out of history's way.

...Most of the time.


	13. Switching Sides (part 1?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New year resolutions:  
> 1\. Read all of last year's mail.  
> 2\. Write. (Preferably more than just Critical Drow or KP... I'm thinking Life Is Strange.)  
> 3\. More videos, too. (I smell another attempt at my The Wolf Among Us - Sin City Style project... because they're doing a second season!)

"Doesn't sound second-date-worthy to me," Kim told her kimmunicator as she lounged upside-down across her bed.

"Darn straight, girl," Monique's image answered. "I can excuse a cheap date, but not a bad date. I need to stop crushing on boys and start dating _men_."

The teen hero smirked at the notion. "Are we talking college, or dirty old?"

"I'll bet daddy knows how to treat his little girl," Monique giggled, before sighing. "Seriously, though, I need to diversify. Maybe it's time to switch teams..."

Kim rolled upright and stared at the device in her hands with surprise. "You mean..."

"You think a girl would ever play me like that?" the darker-skinned girl asked.

"Probably not. I just didn't know you considered girls an option."

"Desperate times, Kim. No offense to the LGBTC, but I'm willin' to take a tour on the sapphic side to get some satisfaction."

It took a heartbeat to realise the C in Monique's acronym stood for 'community' before Kim could verbalize a response. "Wow. Well, that _would_ double your dating pool. Uh... do you have anyone in mind, or..."

The other girl smirked at the redhead's sudden discomfort for a moment before stating, "Bonnie."

" _...No. Way._ "

"She's a smoking hottie, Kim," Monique managed to state completely seriously.

"Until she opens her mouth!"

"I have my way, she won't be using her mouth to talk... unless it's to beg..."

"Buh... wha..." Watching Kim flounder was the final straw. Once the laughter started, it didn't take long for the redhead to catch on. "Monique!"

"Sorry, girlfriend," the other girl crowed, not sounding sorry at all, "But after seein' where your mind was goin', I figured only Bonnie would shake it off. And the look on your face was totally worth it."

"Yeah, well..."

"I know you're okay with the gay, so I figure you only get tweaked when it gets personal."

Kim sighed. "Some of my fans are gay, or... queer? I think that's the umbrella term. I didn't even know non-binary was a thing, until... anyway, I don't mind inspiring people to be brave enough to come out, or to stay brave long enough to get out of a phobic environment first; but the love letters I get can be a bit... much. And since I started dating Ron, there's been some backlash."

"Really?"

"Yeah. For some reason, they'd rather see me dating Shego."

"The green girl with the glowing hands?" Monique considered that for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, opposites do attract, so you an' Shego definitely qualify."

The teen hero gawked at her. "But... it's Shego! I mean, I get that she's hot, but I've lost count of how many times she's tried to kill me!"

"But you admit, she _is_ hot. So if you two were grapplin' with each other, and she suddenly started kissing you, you wouldn't kiss back?"

To her credit, Kim took a moment to try and imagine it. "I... just don't see it happening, Monique. Especially after... it just hasn't been the same since the little diablo thing. And to be honest, I think it's my fault. I was ferociously harsh, at the end..."

"Lemme ask you another question, then. If Shego did take you to a fancy restaurant, do you think she'd try to make you order from the kids' menu? Or pay with coupons? 'Cause I gotta say, even _my_ date wasn't _that_ bad."

"He made up for that," the teen hero grumbled.

"Be honest, girl. Any other boy did that, you'd cut them loose without a second thought." The only response Monique got was Kim dropping her face into her pillow and groaning. "That's what I thought. So, third and final question." Monique took a deep breath and released it. "You're dating your best friend, who's a boy. Would dating your other best friend, who's a girl, be so bad?"

Kim looked back up, saw the fragile expression on the other girl's face, and her heart melted. Those fan-written love letters made her uncomfortable because of how they made her feel. She was supposed to be a basic, average girl (occasional world-save-age notwithstanding), and queer was not basic or average. She had done her best to ignore those feelings. Any associated fantasies she may have had were explained away as healthy curiosity, nothing more.

Not being completely honest with herself was one thing, but letting that denial hurt one of her closest friends? Kim couldn't do it. Swallowing, she finally said, "Mo... if I was gonna date a girl... it'd be you."

Monique smiled at the vulnerable look on the redhead's face. "How d'ya think Ron would take it?"

"Before, I'd say he'd approve of any girl-on-girl action. Now..." Kim smirked, "He'd probably freak over the competition."

"And he'd be right to," Monique added smugly, before... the redhead stared as the other girl bit her lip and gave her a look she'd never seen before. She was reminded of the puppy dog pout, but this provoked a different reaction. "So... what do you think we should do about this?"

Kim had to swallow again before responding, "I don't know, Mo."

"We could do something right now," the darker-skinned girl suggested. Though the screen only showed her head and shoulders, it was obvious that she was shifting position in her chair as she spoke. "I dunno about you, but a little playtime before bed helps me sleep." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before smiling, biting her lip again and humming contentedly. As her eyes opened once more, she asked, "Think you can play with me, girlfriend?"

"I, uh... are you..."

"Would it be easier if we did this over the phone, instead?"

"No!" Kim answered immediately. Whatever was about to happen, she did not want to lose sight of those eyes and lips when it did. "No, this is good... I've just... never done this before. Hold on." Perching the communicator on her bedside table, she yanked her duvet down, rolled off of it, and pulled it back over her once she was in position. She started to lean over to pick the device back up, paused, then reached under the duvet to pull her sweatpants off, tossing them to the floor.

"Atta girl," she heard Monique whisper with a shaky breath.

The heroine swiped up the kimmunicator with one hand while the other slid down under the duvet and between her legs. "Don't get too far ahead of me," she said as she started to stroke herself.

"I'm not comin' without you, Kim," the other girl promised, before letting out a low moan at the sight of the redhead's flushed face. Sitting at her computer, she had a hand free; she used it to undo a few buttons on her pyjama top, nudging the wheeled chair back slightly so Kim could see the smooth, dark valley she was exposing.

She ran her hand from the still-fastened button up between her breasts to her neck, tilting her head back as her fingertips reached her jawline, then slowly sliding them back down, parting the fabric a little farther as she looked back at Kim with smouldering eyes. "I want your lips on my skin," she told her breathlessly. "I want to kiss you until you're gasping, but I also want to feel you all along here. Your breath, your lips, your tongue..." her breath hitched as she bucked slightly.

"Just there?" the redhead asked, increasing her own efforts under the duvet as she noticed that the silk covering Monique's breasts did nothing to disguise the hardened nipples underneath.

"No," Monique whispered, and her fingers slipped under the fabric. "Your mouth should go exploring either side, farther and farther, until..." her fingers reached her nipple, and she pinched hard, provoking a gasp from both of them, "...Until you catch this between your tongue and teeth."

"You," Kim's voice hitched, "You like that?"

"Yeah," the other girl breathed. "Oh ye-hah... might even get them pierced, someday..."

"Wow..."

Running the pad of her forefinger around the nipple she was teasing, Monique's attention returned to the screen in front of her. "Are you wet, Kim?"

"Yeah..."

"Are your fingers inside?"

"Not yet."

"Put them in, girlfriend. I wanna see the look on your face when you imagine me sliding my fingers into you."

Their eyes locked as Kim did as she was told, and she could tell Monique was doing the same. The next minute or two, their only communication came in gasps and groans, each encouraging the other to bring themselves closer to climax.

"How many fingers?" Monique asked between heavy breaths.

"Two..."

"Middle two?"

"Yuh- _huh_ ," Kim almost squeaked as she shuddered.

"Not yet, Kim... nearly..."

"Was just a... little one..."

"Heh... I wonder how m-many I could give you... before the big one..."

The teen hero found herself biting her own lip as she smiled, before panting, "If you're lucky... you might find out someday..."

Monique giggled. "You're sassy when you're wet for me."

Kim didn't have time to reason what about that statement set her off, only that it had. She was vaguely aware of the other girl's voice saying, "Fuck, yeah... come for Mo, baby..." before following the redhead's example.

When Kim sufficiently recovered her breath and senses, she realised she was holding the kimmunicator loosely in her hand. "Aw, man, did I drop it?"

"Not until the very end, baby," Monique assured her. "You gave a damn good show."

"So did you. I don't think I'll ever be able to call you Mo without thinking of... that."

"Good. Because the only time you _do_ get to call me that is when you're either _cravin'_ more Mo, or _havin'_ more Mo."

"Deal."

Monique's smile turned distinctly naughty as another thought occurred. "So, you gonna tell Ron about this sooner rather than later, or will it be our dirty little secret for a while?"

"I don't know. I should tell him, but... this is kinda a lot."

"I'm good either way, baby. You just let me know when it happens. As for the next time _this_ happens... I want us to be in the same bed when it does. Then we'll have all kinds of options. Sleepover, Saturday?"

Kim's mind was still stuck on Monique's idea of 'options' as she answered, "Definitely."


End file.
